TOO MUCH "TUG O' WAR" IN LOVE! Says Dr. Alfred Adler
Trained for Competition in School, Sports and Business, Argues Noted Viennese Psychiatrist, Men and Women Carry This Antagonistic Spirit Into Matrimony, With the Result a Struggle for Mastery—Hence, All the Marital Unhappiness!
By Lillian G. Genn
Women Playing a Game
BY MAN'S refusal to acknowledge the equality of woman, says Dr. Adler, she is forced to play a game—either by conquering man through weakness or by proving that she can be manlike herself.
Man must give up the old tradition of male superiority and meet woman as his equal.
Woman must forgo her masculine protest and her attempt at imitation of men.
Until the alleged inferiority of woman and the fallacy of man's superiority are dispensed with, there can be no real happiness between the sexes, nor can true sex equality be attained.
The distrust which is so universal between the sexes hinders frankness, and humanity must naturally suffer in consequence.
To be happy in love and marriage, each must give. There is no place for competition in matrimony.
WHAT is the truth about women? Until the time of their economic and political independence, they were conceded to be fragile, weak and unintelligent beings, capable of doing nothing more important than the household tasks. They were taught to submerge their personalities and to bow to the superior strength and wisdom of the men. So successfully did women play the game that for ages no one suspected them of having reasoning powers of their own. Today, though, a different situation exists. Women are proving that they possess intelligence equal to the men's. They are not only avoiding as much as possible all domestic activities, but, what is more, they are striving to adopt man's role in life, even to the extent of making his vices and habits their own. The question now arises: Are women as yet being themselves? Are they expressing themselves as they really are? Or are they still playing a game?
Dr. Alfred Adler, the noted Viennese psychiatrist, is pre-eminently fitted to deal with this perplexing riddle of the feminine sex. He is the founder of the new school of individual psychology, which aims to re-educate and readjust people to happy and more effective lives. He is also the author of "Understanding Human Nature," a book which shows profound knowledge of the human soul and its struggles.
Dr. Adler is a stocky, heavily built man, with a kindly, genial manner. He speaks slowly and deliberately, with just a trace of an accent.
"IT IS not only women who are not being themselves, but the men as well," Dr. Adler said in answer to the interviewer's questions. "Masculine superiority is nothing more nor less than a tradition which has no basis in actuality. Therefore, you have men who, because of this tradition, are continually trying to prove their masculinity under all circumstances, even though they have to do it by treachery or force. So, you see, man, too, is playing a role—one which is not naturally his."
With this interesting revelation, the famous psychologist paused. It seemed that although this discussion was supposed to be primarily on women, the men were not going to escape Dr. Adler's searching analysis.
"While emancipation has gone far," he continued, "and women are expressing themselves more today than ever before, still they cannot play their true role so long as man has an inflated and groundless opinion of his place in life. That is why a tension still exists between the sexes. Man struggles to maintain prerogatives that are not justifiable, while woman, on the other hand, struggles to attain her rights.
"The world for many ages has been under the domination of man, despite the fact that there is no biological foundation for such a situation. Indeed, there have been periods in history when there were matriarchates — when women alone ruled. They used the same arguments to subjugate the men that the men now employ to subjugate the women. As the men began to gain the upper hand, they made sure of retaining their rights through the medium of laws. So gradually, through law and custom, as well as through religious tenets, they were able to maintain this artificial superiority.
"SINCE man has had the privilege of selecting the woman, she had to fit herself bodily and mentally to the tastes and desires of the men. She had to be gentle, submissive, weak and home-loving. In the course of time, everything that was 'feminine' became identified with weakness and servility.
"Naturally, there has been a certain sensitiveness on the part of women against being selected, against playing the second role. Since the ideal of our culture is one of male dominance, in which everything 'masculine' signifies courage, strength, intellect, the ability to win and to dominate, our women and girls have naturally been affected by this ideal and they have become dissatisfied, in ever greater numbers, with the role cast for them in life.
"There are women who humbly resign themselves to the role men expect them to play and who swallow the theory of male superiority. They consider themselves useless human beings of whom no active work can be expected. If they want to do anything, they lack self-confidence and they feel weak. Because they are oppressed by an inferiority complex, they are unable to make adequate social adjustments. There are others, who, while they do not hesitate to admit that they are weaker, yet demand additional support on that account. In the long run they conquer the men by the expression of weakness, by tears and by tantrums. They shift their responsibilities upon the men and they usually manage to get what they want from men through a certain kind of slyness.
"Then again, we find women who strive in nearly all their efforts to arrive at man's goal. They want to prove that they are not only as good as the men, but that they can be like men, at least in some ways. When you consider that this is a masculine world and that a girl from childhood constantly sees the advantages the men receive, it is not surprising that she should express what I call a masculine protest and try to identify herself with the role of the dominant male. She becomes unusually energetic and ambitious, and she constantly fights for the prizes of life. She even attempts to excel her brothers and her male comrades.
"Woman must not forget, though, that the tradition and technique in business, in art and in science have been adapted until now for men. In only two fields—dancing and acting—no masculine tradition exists, and in these fields women have climbed to the top. What is necessary, therefore, is that a 'female' tradition be created in the arts and in business. Then only will women be able to attain the same high level as our outstanding men. It is probable that we are now on the threshold of such a period.
"So long as women express a masculine protest and try to imitate the men, they will be handicapped. They must try to express themselves as women and not as men. They must be comrades and equals of men—not antagonistic competitors. Of course, before this desirable state of affairs can be accomplished, we will have to develop a better means of training our girls to realize the glory of womanhood, for it is not always recognized today. We must reconcile them to the unchangeableness of the feminine role. When we have complete equality and co-operation between the sexes, then woman, [as] well as man, will have a better chance for happiness."
Here Dr. Adler pointed out that it is impossible for man to be happy while he struggles to maintain a superiority to which he has no natural right.
"Since our culture is one of masculine dominance, a boy grows up to regard the man as the important figure in the world. He is made aware a dozen times a day that his father is the head of the house and has more power than any one else. Even where there is equality between husband and wife, there are always many indications that the male is the privileged member of society. During his early years he is encouraged to be 'manly' and he is reproved if he shows any so-called 'feminine' traits. Gradually he comes to realize that men are a sex superior to women, and he sets about to prove his superiority and his importance.
"Of course, when a person is really superior, he does not have to prove it. But when he has an imagined male superiority complex, he constantly is possessed by an uneasy urge to assert himself. And so he tends to be domineering and tyrannical toward women, he resents suggestions or advice or correction which he would otherwise accept from men. Whether through stubbornness or the insistence upon privileges or craft, he is bound to demonstrate his masculinity."
And so man, too, is oppressed by complexes; he is neurotic, restless and unhappy. His vanity must be continually catered to. So convinced is he of his superiority and his capabilities that frequently in the business world he forces himself into positions which he is unable to fill except with superhuman effort. It is because of his vanity, also, that he resents any effort on the part of women to hold executive positions.
"Another factor which makes for wrecked marriage is that man has on his side the economic advantage. This in itself is not a sufficient reason for a feeling of superiority. Still men delude themselves that it is. And this superstition hinders them from enjoying the highest bliss in love and marriage.
"Man's abuse of this supposed superiority makes understandable the large number of girls who refuse to marry.
"The alleged inferiority of woman, which is maintained by law and tradition," Dr. Adler went on, "and the fallacy of the superiority of man prevent the possibility of real happiness between the sexes. The subordination of one individual to another makes for discontent and unrest. It is, too, a lie against nature. That is why we find, in love and in marriage, a continual tension. The privileges that men seek and which they think would make them happy only help to bring about their own disaster. Why? Because they disturb the harmony of love and marriage and create a struggle on both sides.
"To be happy in love and in marriage, each must submit, each must give. The man must not feel the necessity of proving himself superior to his wife. The woman must not feel that he is taking more than his rights. They must both understand that they are comrades. There is no place for competition in love and marriage.
"The trouble is, that husband and wife do not realize that by giving they do not lose anything. But since men and women are trained for personal competition in everything, whether it is school or sports or business, they carry this sense of competition into marriage. Soon a struggle for mastery ensues. There are quarrels and each is always suspicious of the other, so that they are always upset.
"How, therefore, can there be candor and honesty in this most vital and sensitive of relationships? The distrust which is so universal between the sexes hinders frankness, and humanity must naturally suffer as a consequence."
DR. ADLER was asked whether he thought that coeducation would help to achieve greater harmony between men and women.
"Yes, it will, but not the way coeducational schools are conducted today. They are built on the idea of masculine supremacy and the women students are tolerated as a second sex. In fact, the struggle between them is more intensified because education as yet does not represent a training and preparation for co-operation between the sexes.
"Let me say here that I do consider it very worth while for women to compete or to work with men in business, in the arts and in society, but they must not do so in an antagonistic way.
"The trouble with marriage is, primarily, that we are not prepared for it," Dr. Adler continued. "From childhood we are taught how to get along with others in school, at home, in society and at work, but very few of us are taught how to live a joint life with another of the opposite sex—how to adapt ourselves to others in the married state."
What the modern woman must get, Dr. Adler pointed out, is a fair division of labor, dictated not by custom but by practical efficiency.
"It is an old traditional idea that woman's place is in the home and that her activities must be confined there. It is nothing but a waste of power and human life. This is particularly true today when there is so little in the home for the woman to do. Hence, women not only should but must go out in the world to take their places side by side with men, and the labor must be apportioned fairly. They must be encouraged and given every chance to be the true comrades of men. The men, in turn, must realize that it is for their benefit to help women in their efforts to gain this equality.
"Man's desire to retain his privileges is, on the whole, an unconscious feeling. He may believe that he is according equality to women, but actually he is the slave of tradition.
"Recently," illustrated Dr. Adler, "I lectured on neurosis before a medical society. One doctor insisted that perhaps in Europe women feel inferior, but it is not true in America, where women are given an equal place with the men. Every argument that I used to prove otherwise was futile. However, later, when we had lunch together, he spoke of private matters and he told me about his three lovely daughters. He then asked me what I thought he ought to do with them. I answered, 'You see, if you had three sons you would not ask me what to do with them.'"
Inwardly man has not yet digested the truth that woman is in every way his equal. So woman is forced to continue to play a game—either by conquering man through weakness or by proving that she can be manlike herself!
Copyright by Public Ledger
Fuente: Lillian G. Genn, "Too Much 'Tug O' War' in Love! Says Dr. Alfred Adler", Sacramento Union, Sunday magazine section, 19 May 1929, p. 36 ("Copyright by Public Ledger"). Transcribed from the page image of the California Digital Newspaper Collection (CDNC, SDU19290519.1.36), read column by column at full resolution; the platform OCR, which scrambles the columns, was used only for orientation. In "woman, [as] well as man" the word "as" is not visible in the print. An earlier, very fragmentary printing of the same syndicated interview, presented as "By Dr. Alfred Adler, Viennese Psychologist", appeared in the Oakland Tribune, 23 July 1928, p. 20 (CDNC, OT19280723.1.20; not held locally).